I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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