what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
