You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
