they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
