I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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