I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
