Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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