then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
