I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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