I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize