Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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