he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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