You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
