he was CRYING into my vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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