oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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