you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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