i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
