Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
