pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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