i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
