I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Randomize
