Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Semen is not good for contacts.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
