I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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