plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize