He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
