i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Barsexuality is the new black.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
