One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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