dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize