his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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