in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
