Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my being single is dangerous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
