you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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