you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
