you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
