Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
