is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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