Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
