The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
