he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
