We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
