I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize