if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
