put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
