I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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