I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
