The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Farmville is her only friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
