And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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