I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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