after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize