So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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