i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
