I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize