Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
