How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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