Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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