dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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