I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
