I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
