garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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