Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
