I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
