I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
