ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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