How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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