Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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