Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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