Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
