I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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