my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize