Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
