i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
