So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
