So drunk its hurt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
