so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
