he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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