I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
