so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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