i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
