Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
