"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love having hate sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
