I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
