I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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